i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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