dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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