im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
