is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
