Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
