It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
