I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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