your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
