I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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