i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
