I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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