A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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