Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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