It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
