College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
