So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
