my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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