How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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