i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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