I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
the raccoons are back...
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