I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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