ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
