You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
