Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
