Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is this like a preordered booty call?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
