i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
