i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath