I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here