I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.