Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.