tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
so much tequila, so little girl.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS