Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.