Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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