Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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