I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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