I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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