Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
