i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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