The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
