ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
is it fun? or sober?
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