so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
