it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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