Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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