ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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