Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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