someone owes me an orgasm
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
