Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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