If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
