I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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