he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
