I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
