I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
