On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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