Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
