She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
