Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is wine microwaveable?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
