oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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