1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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