I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
