Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
