you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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