People in love make me want to vomit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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