i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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