I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
