y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
