I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
