I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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