dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
