And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
