I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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