my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You ate ashes out of my bong
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
