Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm too high and old for this...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
